Sunday, December 13, 2009

HRT Changes

So as my counter above shows, it's been about 12 days since I started on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). I just wanted to log some of the changes I had noticed since I started.

Physically, I can't say I've noticed any changes. It's only been about 2 weeks, so that's understandable. However, emotionally, I definitely have experienced some change. I can remember 2-3 times where I got rather annoyed with someone over something simple and stupid. I also remember 6-10 times where I started crying and the tears were free flowing. This could've been from hearing a meaningful song, reading someone else's life story, thinking about the loss of my family, or other things. I've had periods of a sense of complete and utter joy...in the middle of a meeting at work (LOL weird, I know) and then within that same 30 minute meeting, a sense of despair.....all of this of course nothing to do with the meeting at hand.

This last week, I also talked with a couple of other pre-op girls who are much farther along than I am and they both talked a lot about their boyfriends. I had new feelings flow up from inside me during this time, something I don't think I've ever experienced before. Whereas before, when this would happen, I'd find myself mostly unable to relate....this time, I found myself desiring what they described.

Relationship with a man? Really? I mean I had read about the possibilities of HRT changing your orientation (in some people) but knowing about it and being open to it, is quite different from actually experiencing it....even if only a small part. I began experiencing a desire that I had never had before....a desire to be held in strong arms, to feel flirty, sexy, feminine and appreciated for being all of those things by someone. There's just an indescribable feeling that floats up from within me when I think of those kinds of things...and yet it's still rather confusing because for the most part, I'm still not attracted to men physically or facially. Men have been smiling at me when I'm out and about since I began transition and when it happens, I usually am too surprised to smile back before they move on.....it's interesting that recently I smiled back and turned a couple shades more red! hah.

Anyway, the process continues and I choose to embrace my true self even as those around me cut me out of their lives completely. More to come!

4 comments:

Sophia Athena Farren said...

I never had many mood swings actually. What I did have though was some soreness in the chest after about a 3-4 weeks on hormones. Unfortunately that seemed to be a big tease and nothing has really come of it 8 months later lol (12 months on Estrogen alone).

With my orientation, it has shifted slightly but not a ton, there is only one guy I'd want to be with and besides him, I really am not interested. Most guys bother me, and I think another part of it is that I'm tired of experiencing their world, and just don't trust most.

Debra said...

Sophia, I can't wait till I feel some soreness in my chest! haha

Rebecca, I am on a low dose still, it will be creeping up in January and probably again in March. Was I expecting to have my orientation changed? Not necessarily...but I've been open to the possibility of it.

As for the holidays, I should be ok. The festivities have already started with my family and I cannot join in of course. But I have lots of friends and people from church who have made it clear I'm very welcome to spend holidays with them and I'm very thankful.

Treacle said...

I can't stop reading, so I've added you to my blogroll. I hope that's all right. :-)

Debra said...

Of course that's alright girl =) Thanks.

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