Saturday, December 26, 2009

Life and Love

You know when you mix oil and water how it slowly settles and separates? But then when you shake it up , it temporarily mixes again? That's kind of how my mind feels today. Things that had settled in my mind are a bit shaken up. I've been handed a few many compliments of late on both things such as my feminine looks as well as loving spirit and as compliments usually are, it's been hard for me to accept.

First off I ask myself why is it hard to accept? Maybe I think that by accepting such compliments I'm taking a plunge into a pride that I know i have deep down inside myself? That by doing so, I'm fueling an ego that comes from those of us in the Computer field? It's like the very modest guy whom the church gives an award, "The most modest guy" and then they take it away when he WEARS it. lol. It's a paradox. How do you accept a compliment without taking pride in it? And how do you take pride in it without seeming haughty? Do you compliment back? Do you simply say "thanks" and move on? Do you smile, blush, and fish for more compliments?

The second part of that is, if I am to realize and accept what people have told me...then I am very blessed in more than one way....which leads me to another question. What am I to do with these blessings? What am I do to with my life? What does God want me to do and how can He use my gifts? I suppose He's already been at work some in this and I don't believe it was a mistake that all of this happened to me now. There are so many people out there hurting....especially in the trans community. I have to think that God has a plan for me and them and I just need to figure out what that is.

How does He want me to show love to them? It's not about converting's not about doing what scripture says down to the very's about loving one another. Love God. Love everyone else. How can I show love to those who need it most, and especially in this community where it is so common to be hurt by the ones that are supposed to love you the most, even to the point of desiring to take your own life.

Yes, the oil and water are shaken up....guess we'll see how they settle this time.


Leslie Ann said...

Nice metaphor, Debra. Can't speak to God's plan. Compliments, say thanks and move on. I used to downplay compliments, but that denies someone the validity of their opinion. Even if I disagree with their assessment, I appreciate that it was said. No fishing; what you receive is often insincere. The spontaneous ones are the truest.

Sophia Athena Farren said...

Hmm not sure why my post didn't go through. Anyway my best advice is to take the compliments and use them to further help motivate you to help others, usually compliments (Unless they are always, "U iz hot") indicate you are the right track. Like me I seldom get compliments so I figure that means I'm misstepping somewhere.

All you need to do girl is accept the compliments an continue being yourself. Your beautiful soul will shine through and will impact others, even those who have been hurt so much.

ms.shandy said...

Compliments, those are a tricky subject! I think Leslie has it right on what anyone should do. For me that has always been hard. Living male, I have hated myself, and I have not wanted people to pay attention to me, because I hated the way I had to present. I wanted to escape notice. I was in the back corner of every class. I was the most anti-social person at every job. I was meek, shy, self loathing. Personal pride had very little place in my life.

So when things change and the compliments start coming in, how do we react to that? Pride seems alien. We have seen people with too much, and we know we do not want to be like that. Used too if someone complimented me on one thing, I felt obligated to find at least two objections. "Oh Shan, you look great!" "Well, actually I'm over tall and I look like Lee Marvin with a girl's hair cut."

But a fair amount of personal pride is actually a healthy thing. And enough to accept compliments graciously is certainly not too much. Its a very healthy dose. :)

So right about there being a lot of hurt in the world. And it is very admirable to want to have a place in having a positive impact on that. You seem a bright lady, and I'm sure you'll do well, wherever you decide to apply your skills.



Corina said...

Simply put...You are a daughter of God and God does not make junk. Take the compliment and put it in your heart that god just may of reached out to you through the mouth of some one else to help you along your journey.

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