Saturday, December 5, 2009

Quick update for the week

So I've had a few vlogs going on the past few days but figured I'd do a regular blog update too. My wife moved out today so that was kinda of weird. In truth she hadn't been sleeping here since Monday night and even before then off and on anyway so it doesn't seem that different already. I love and miss her but this is really for the best. We are still going to get the house finished/cleaned up and get it on the market though.

My Dad sent me an email this week saying that his counselor had said that he should cut off all communication with me and so he was doing it because he believed it held relevance with the parable in the bible about the Prodigal son. Talk about depressing. That was the day before I started hormones too. I talked to a friend about this and she mentioned that it sounded like the counselor they were seeing was using principles from a book like "Tough Love" which is a book for parents and how to cope with or deal with kids who are addicted to drugs. Essentially they're trying to treat something I was born with (GID) like I'm choosing to be addicted to a drug. Wow. My aunt told me today that she talked with my dad and that he told her he'd talk to me but only if I approached him first....whatever the point of that is, I don't know.

When I met with the doctor about the blood tests he had me do, I was once again intersted to see that my testosterone levels were still around 280 when most guys are around 500-700 range and my estrogen was mid range of 22 (instead of a low range). It made me wonder if I was intersex like I had originally thought (XXY chromosomes) but it seems that that is not an easy or cheap test to have done. (DNA Test/Kareotype). But still interesting to note. Someone from my old church messaged me today and asked me why I didn't try to go through testosterone therapy if that was the problem. Things like that just amaze me at how people think they understand something more than you when it becomes obvious they haven't even done the research.

Here's how it works: My brain is a FEMALE brain, my body is a MALE body. If you add more testosterone you make the situation WORSE because you're widening the gap between body and brain EVEN MORE. Wow! Who woulda thunk it?? Come on people if you're going to try to get on my case, at least do the research first. Estrogen therapy is done such that the body can become MORE IN SYNC with the mind because there is no way to change the brain currently.

On that note, I've been on hormones (Estrogen and Testosterone-blocker) for 4 days now. I have mostly noticed that my emotions (sadness/joy) tend to spike more quickly, bringing tears usually, at a lot of different things. Otherwise I just have had a few good days, feeling more feminine.....maybe they're just placebos to help you feel more confident as a woman! haha!

Thanks to Sophia for hangin out tonight and thanks to the many many friends that have continued to support me in my decision to be true to myself.


Debra said...

Thanks for your lovely comment Dana =) Yes I imagine "The Girl Inside" is probably used a lot in this community hehe. My blog had a metamorphosis though starting as "Gender Confusion" when I was trying to figure things out and ending with "The Girl Inside" after I'd found self acceptance.

Lori D said...

It's a misstatement to say that you have a female brain, or a male one for that matter, without conclusive tests. I know it's something we feel, and who knows, when they cut my brain open in some sort of wild post-mortem experiment the proof will be in my mushy pudding. But for now I can proclaim that I self-identify as female, and living my life as a woman has brought so much into sync with my mind, body, and spirit. I don't need that to be proof enough to someone, it's proof enough to me. I'm alive, and am very very well, thank God.

Debra said...

Well misstatement, hypothesis, theory, whatever you want to call it. It amounts to the same thing you described Lori. The point was to keep it simple for those people out there who haven't even done any research =/

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