Monday, March 22, 2010

I feel therefore I am

So I talked to my sister some last night via FacebookIM. When it came to talking about being around me, she said she had to think about her daughter. She said that because her daughter doesn't have a father, she'll have enough problems with men without having to tell her that "her uncle hated being a man so much that he became a woman".

I of course immediately had to make it clear that I didn't hate being a man. I just wasn't a man inside so everyday life was always an act, a facade. I hated being something I was not.

The way she said that just really struck me though. Do people really think it's better to be a woman? Or easier? I mean, really? Do they really think that I made this change in my life, lost my wife, lost my parents, my sister, my niece, my church, my house, etc....because it was EASIER? Or more fun??? Do they think I wanted to go through painful laser treatments every month, hours of practice in voice lessons, endless counseling sessions, and painful surgeries simply because being a woman is "better"???

I think a lot of cisgender people do not understand because they are just that, cisgender. They never experienced any feelings that the gender of their body was not correct.

Being someone who has lived as both male and female, I have to say that both have their challenges and both have their rewards but I did not make this change in my life simply because being a woman would be easier, more fun, or better. I made this change in my life because a woman is truly what I am.


Debra said...

Hi Kelli, I went back and read that post, thank you. The sad thing is they can never really understand because they never felt this way.

Then again for the same reason, I am amazed at the supportive people for being such even though they don't feel what we feel.

Jessica De Leon said...

That's not a nice thing to say, that you hated being a man. You're right, people just do not understand TG feelings :(

Stace said...

It is very difficult for people who have not gone through it (or are going through it daily) to get...

I just read Kelli's post and it's about as succinct as it could be. So much so that I may borrow some of the text to send to my parents / wife as it says it better than I could manage...


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