Thursday, July 8, 2010

Bra Confidence

Last night at group we ended up talking a little about "doing instead of being". The concept being that when we first start transition, we concentrate A LOT on BEING ourselves and BEING a woman. We think about how we walk, how we talk, how we look, how we sound, all kinds of crazy things going on in our head at any one moment. One of the ladies at group mentioned how she was at a place in her transition where she was concentrating more on DOING than BEING. She was able to DO or LIVE her life and the BEING part was much more natural now.

I spoke up and said that I felt I had come a long way with this in the last 9 months or so of transition but that I definitely still had a ways to go before I didn't have to be thinking about BEING me and what that meant at certain times.

The example I gave was that I rely heavily on my bra for confidence. Since my breasts are still very small, the bra I wear can severely help or hinder my confidence. Just the other day, I was walking to the gym and I had a sports bra on underneath my t-shirt. I took note as I was walking that I was much more worried about how I was walking and how I looked because of my lack of breasts. I was questioning how I stepped, my posture, even my voice at times. Everything. I was even thinking to myself 'gosh when is this going to be just natural'. At the time I also consoled myself reminding that it had only been about 9 months and I had 28 years of life as a boy in my past. It might still take a while before everything came completely natural.

As I was talking about this at group though, I realized that all of this didn't usually happen in my everyday life. What was the difference? The bra I wore. lol. It sounds stupid, I know but it's so true. I worry a lot less about these things, walking, talking, etc. when I have the confidence of my bra.

Hopefully with time, not only will my body catch up and my confidence will be less dependent on my bra but BEING me will also become more natural.

2 comments:

VĂ©ronique said...

It's been only nine months! You have come a long way and you will come much further. Soon, it really will be natural for you.

I understand about clothing though. When you feel right about your presentation, everything else clicks into place, but if you feel off in any way, then you worry about stuff you normally wouldn't worry about. But it won't be that way for long.

Lucy Melford said...

I rely on my bra a lot too. It gives my breasts shape and definition, and boosts self-confidence in the way you mention. I'm sure that my bust is the chief feature that gives me credibility. And because my breasts are small, and because they are obviously natural and not helped by artificial aids, I believe this credibility is all the more, even though I would myself prefer something a little larger!

I don't mind at all if a bra strap shows. It says, hey, I have to wear a bra. Straps reinforce the effect of the bra.

And then there's something reassuring about having this strange fabric contraption fixed firmly around your chest. Like a bulletproof vest. I would feel vulnerable without a bra.

Lucy

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