Saturday, December 25, 2010

Eventful and Emotional Holiday

The last couple days have been a torrent of different emotions and I feel like I'm preparing to rise up the hill to another week, another year even, and I need to stop and look back and try to process everything that's happened. I figured the easiest way to talk about these is to describe each event and the emotions it incurred.

Event: I met some lovely new ladies at a crocheting meetup group and I really think I made some great friends and they seem to have wholeheartedly accepted me as well.

Emotions: Joy, Surprise, Love

Event: I delivered my presents to my parents' house a week before Christmas and was met with my loving brother and very wary father.

Emotions: Sorrow, Bitterness, Disappointment

Event: I was able to make and give special presents to all of my girlfriends at Zumba and they were all happy and thankful.

Emotions: Joy, Love, Excitement

Event: A recent realization that I wasn't even being asked to be included in outside-of-work-and-guy-related activities from male coworkers anymore and how I didn't miss them at all.

Emotions: Contentment, Happiness

Event: On Christmas Eve, my ex-wife called and (whether she meant to rub it in my face or not) told me that she was going to spend Christmas Eve with my biological family and that she had made my mother a scrapbook of lots of old "boy" pics.

Emotions: Anger, Hurt, Frustration, Bewilderment

Event: My adopted mother and I saw the movie, "Tangled" before church on Christmas Eve and I found myself caught up in everything Rapunzel went through, drawing all kinds of parallels with my own life and transition. (Note: There may be a future blog post in more detail about this)

Emotions: Wonder, Giddiness, Joy

Event: My biological mother texted me in the usual hurtful way, making "Merry Christmas" into a possible start of another argument. I chose to be the better woman and simply wish her Jesus' love always.

Emotions: Hurt, Sorrow, Anger, Love, Peace

Event: Realizing that my biological parents really didn't get me anything for Christmas this year except that my mom offered to pass along some of her fudge via my cousin.

Emotions: Surprise, Weariness, Sadness

Event: Spending the night at my adopted mom's house with my close friend, Kayla. Laughing lots and having a good time.

Emotions: Joy, Giddiness, Love

Event: Having our own Christmas, making the best of unaccepting families, enjoying each other's company, good food, and exchanging gifts.

Emotions: Joy, Thankfulness, Sorrow

Event: Lazing around on Christmas Day in my pajamas and no makeup and re-remembering how my body still doesn't feel or look at all like I want it to without the comforts of makeup and padding.

Emotions: Despair, Regret, Weariness, Sadness

It's definitely been an eventful and emotional holiday.


Lucy Melford said...

What a roller-coaster! But at least you had friends to see, an adoptive mother to look after you, and appreciative people to give to. And surgery is getting closer (not long after me, I think: I'm 1 March).

I wouldn't be able to cope well with your parents' attitude, and it's sad when one's ex joins a faction that is lined up against you. Especially at this time of year. All you can do is give it time, a lot of time.

Meanwhile, you seem upbeat and very positive, and getting somewhere. And a momentous year lies ahead. Good luck!

Melissa said...

What your ex did was despicable! It sounds like she and your mother deserve each other. How nice that you have an adopted mother, who genuinely cares about you, that you could spend Christmas with.

Melissa XX

Caroline said...

Been there, done that, what are parents like sometimes!?

Mine stayed very close to someone I had lived with for many years and who dumped me!

spent the afternoon with the person most chilly to my change, she looked foolish in front of her family when we gave her a lift to her family meal later.

Some have coldness born into them, others may defrost later but best not let their short comings spoil your life.

The positive seem to outweigh the negative, cut the negative and fly.

Caroline xxx

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