Saturday, March 19, 2011

Feverish Nightmares

When hearing about "sex change" surgery, most men seem to respond by shuddering, cupping their own genitals to make sure they're still there, and trying to hide a slightly horrified expression on their face.

On a separate subject, they say that a certain percentage of post-op trans women experience a slight regret after they've had surgery.

Given these 2 bits of information, I wanted to share with you a dream I had last night. I was in a lot of pain last night both at the surgical site as well as my head. I didn't get much sleep but for the little time I did, I guess I had dreams.

I found myself awoken in my bed and something felt weird downstairs so I checked my underwear and to my ultimate surprise and disgust, I still seemed to have male genitalia!! I wanted to scream but no sound came out and then I woke up again. This time, I felt like there was something leaking in my underwear, which was odd because my catheter should have been taking care of that. So I went to the bathroom and pulled the underwear down only to once again find the dreaded male bits I had paid so much to get rid of. I found myself crying and screaming things like "How can this be????!?!" and "What happened?!?!?!?". Then I ran outside and saw some familiar people barbequing and ran towards them and started to see if I could jump up in the air and fly ....and I could! I was relieved. It was really just still a dream.

I forced myself to end the dream and woke up in the real world and started crying, half afraid to check my underwear again. But I did and my new female anatomy was a sight for sore eyes. I cried in relief and frustration. So much for sleeping.


Jen said...

That is a nightmare! We're all thinking about and praying for you. Hope you're feeling better real soon.

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