Monday, April 11, 2011

Patience for Surgery Results

A friend of mine, referring to the surgery, asked me today "So are you happy with the results?" and I was struck when I heard myself say: "No".

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have had the surgery and be rid of the dysphoria but if the way my vagina looks and feels right now was as good as it was going to get, I would definitely be less than satisfied. It's the knowledge that it's still healing and may take a long time to really look and feel like it's supposed to, that keeps me going.

It's very similar to when I first started HRT. If someone were to have asked me if I was happy with the results of HRT after 1 month, I would have had the same mixture of happiness and dissatisfaction with a sense of hope that more is yet to come.

And yet another example is being where I'm now with breast growth. I happily fill an A-cup now but I definitely need more to have the proper proportions for my body to look and feel right. That being said, I've still been able to enjoy where I'm at in this moment, knowing that it's not the end-all and that I still have more time and growth to come.

So back to the surgery. It's been almost 4 weeks now and I have been through a lot. You can't really say my surgery was the smoothest around. I've had 3 complications that snowballed into each other along with a few stressful things going on in my life that sure didn't help. The combination of these things seems to have slowed down my healing by a fair margin and while that frustrates me, knowing it will get better keeps me going. Patience really sucks sometimes.

3 comments:

Shannon said...

You will be fine. And you know this. You have great friends who love you and have been and will be with you through the rough spots. I know you want to have the body to go with the woman you are, but we all love the woman you are.

Ariel said...

You will definitely look and feel better down yonder in the months to come. I was always an impatient person, but somehow I got myself into a mode where I knew I had to relax and let the healing process take its course. I was so happy to have the right body at last that for the first time in my life I really was OK with being patient.

At the end of three months, I was in Hawaii doing some serious showing off. I was still a bit swollen, but nothing like it had been. Bikinis felt -- and looked -- just fine. Well, as fine as they could on my body. :)

I'm amazed when you say "A cup." I've never met you in person, but I do know that even the most push-up bra I own doesn't give me cleavage like you have. I can understand, however, that you'd like to achieve balance. I will need implants to get that (damn ribcage). You probably haven't finished developing yet.

Dana Andra said...

I somehow expected your surgery to be problem-free, and I'm honestly surprised that it hasn't been. I was surprised and worried when you were having problems at the hospital. Despite the problems you've had with your family, you've had an amazing and inspiring transition, and I was certain your surgery would follow a similar course. But obviously life doesn't work like that. I know many girls talk about having to go back for touch-up work, and I dread the thought of having to go through my own surgery experience more than once. Here's hoping everything heals to match the image in your mind's eye...

Dana
xoxo

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