Thursday, June 9, 2011

Becoming Accustomed

The other day, I had a slight revelation. I know, I know, you're telling yourself "Here we go again, something obvious" but it's actually not.

I realized that I'm getting used to my new life in all forms. This includes life without my biological parents in it. Sure, I have been known to cry about it and miss them periodically but on an everyday basis, I don't end up thinking much about them. They've decided to move on and live in a world they created where I don't exist and there's nothing I can do to change that.

Don't get me wrong, my heart still longs for them to call me daughter, for my mom to want to go shopping and get our nails done together, for my dad to want to go have coffee like the old days, for us all to have BBQs, weekends, and holidays together, all of that and more.

But I guess I'm getting to a point where I can finally accept the fact that they may never come to accept me. I'm coming to terms with it. I've lived this new life for almost 2 years now and they have chosen not to hold much of a part in it. And yet it's been some of the best times of my life.

I'll still try to show them love at every turn but it feels good to know that I can indeed still live with the present circumstances, knowing there's nothing else I can really do about them.


Cynthia said...

Good morning Debra,

My heart goes out to you. It seems that you have done everything you possibly can to enjoin them in your life. They are the losers. Continue to hold the door open to them, even send them an invitation once in awhile. Keep praying for them. I am still praying for you and your parents. Never give up on them because the Lord never gives up on us.

Many hugs,


Halle said...

It is very hard to accept such a situation, but you are right, at some point we know that moving along is essential for ourselves, and maybe for them too. As we know, when you are older it is hard to accommodate change, but that does not obligate you in some way. If you 'hang about' making concessions to whatever their issue is then they will never see or love the real person, and what is the point of 'making others happy' anyway?
Sorry, this is not coming out smoothly. Let's just say I understand and support what you have written here.
Good for you continuing to give them that opportunity to live with you in your present circumstances, as you say.

I really hope you get authentic outings with mom and dad some day! :)

Lucy Melford said...

At least you still have your parents. As long as they remain alive, there may come a day when they change their point of view, and want to build bridges. It isn't impossible. It could happen. you simply must believe it will one day happen, even if meanwhile all you can do is make sure they have your contact details.

It may help once you find the right person, and really begin to rebuild your life. Or your career takes off in some way. Success can't be ignored. They will have to reappraise your worth. They'll wonder why they aren't including this talented person in their circle: what's stopping them being proud of this amazing daughter.


Jen said...

I'm so glad that you've found a little comfort. We've all seen how your heart has ached for your parents. We've all felt your pain, and some of us have also lost friends and family along the way. But life does go on. There is peace. You have certainly done all that you could. Keep smiling, live as your true self. Enjoy each day.


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