Friday, April 28, 2017

A Note about my Past

A year ago today, I was so fed up with the bathroom bill stuff in my state that I decided to speak up about it on my facebook, outing myself. I don't usually speak in ultimatums but I was serious about unsupportive people unfriending me.

I did only surface this to friends (not acquaintances) and then eventually made it private again so only I can now see it. I figured I could share it with all of you.

A Note about my Past

I don’t usually like getting political or into activism but I have to admit that all the ‘bathroom bill’ talk has gotten me a bit worked up. Such that I feel I need to air something I haven’t brought up in a long time and frankly, don’t like to talk about anymore. But here it goes: 

  I have a transsexual/transgender/‘trans’ past. (however you want to word it) 

 For those of you that suspected but never said a word or asked a single question, I thank you. That’s how I’d prefer it…even now that you know, I’d prefer it stay that way. Those of you that really had no clue. I’m glad. I’d rather that be the case anyway.

The rest of you have been with me for at least some of it. The truth is, I don’t want to be known or loved because of something so basic: simply being who I am. I’d rather be loved or praised for things that I do, such as making costumes or writing apps or being friendly and loving…..not the fact that I was born with incorrectly matched parts. I don’t consider it a secret to hide…..but merely a piece of my medical past that’s nobody else’s business. I moved on from it years ago. That being said, people always have questions so here’s some quick answers: 

 1. Yes I was born with male ‘parts’ and now have female ‘parts’. As far as the law is concerned nowadays, I was born female. (yes, that includes my birth certificate and all legal documents) 
2. No I cannot bear children, just like countless other women with fertility issues. 
3. No I will not tell you my old/dead name and it’s rude and hurtful to ask about it or intentionally call me by it. (even in past tense) 
4. No I do not want to talk about any of this so please don’t bring it up in conversation. It’s not unlike bringing up a birthmark that someone has on their face; they know it’s there so unless they bring it up, leave it alone. 
5. No I am not ‘the best of both worlds’. I am and always have been a woman. It’s just that for the first part of my life, I spent it trying to be something I was not: a man. 
 6. Yes my husband knows and has always known and doesn’t care. He’s attracted to women and loves me. It’s a non-issue….and it should be such for everybody IMHO. 
7. No I am not ‘brave’ or ‘courageous’. This wasn’t a brave thing for me to do. It was a thing I HAD to do to survive. To live. To go on. To be who I am, authentically. 
 8. Yes my parents disowned me when I transitioned and even after many years, they continue to ignore who I am and hope for the old ‘pretend me’ to come back to them; this, all based on religious counsel they’ve received. 
 9. Yes I choose to try to live a ‘normal’ life instead of being ‘out and proud trans’ because society DOES treat you differently……and I don’t want to be treated differently……good or bad, I want to be treated for what I do and how I treat others….not because I managed to work through an issue I was born with. I don’t want special treatment. Don’t treat me any different than any other woman. 
10. Yes I support the trans and LGBT movements. Equality for all. No person should have to be treated like a second-class citizen (or worse) because of who they are or who they love. It’s no different than race or sex or anything else. We’re all humans. I don’t care what your religion says, the greatest of all teachings is love for all people. Period. So all of that being said:
  • If after knowing this information, you consider me to be ‘a man’, unfriend me right now.
  • If you’re a woman who feels like with this knowledge you cannot share a bathroom or locker room with me, unfriend me right now.
  • If you’re a father or mother and feel like trans women (including myself) shouldn’t share the same bathroom as your daughter, unfriend me right now.
  • If you feel that transgender people are merely sexual predators, unfriend me right now.
  • If you support bills like i-1515 which seek to bar transgender individuals from using the correct restroom in WA state (something that’s been in effect for years), unfriend me right now. 
 Trans people die every year due to suicide and murder because of simply not being allowed or afforded the privilege to be who they really are…..something anyone born in the right body takes for granted everyday. This includes being fired for being trans, bullied for being trans, becoming homeless for being trans, and yes, using the bathroom that matches their gender identity. 

 Now that we’ve been through that, let me ask you something from the bottom of my heart: 
  Please just let it go….and know that there are many of us among the population that just want to live our lives normally. None of us are out to harm anyone; criminals will do that. If you have sincere questions and want to read more on it, this page has a LOT of resources: . Please don’t bombard me with questions. Thank you.


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