Thursday, April 13, 2017

Why I stopped talking about being trans

Today I heard about the survivor contestant who was outed on TV about being transgender. He apparently did an interview about it to give his own perspective and I was taken aback at how much I was able to relate to his point of view.

When I first transitioned, many of you might remember that I blogged and video logged with my face and legal name. I spent that first year up through vaginoplasty surgery living and breathing transition. Being public and very much 'out and proud' about it really helped me channel that energy. I feel like it's pretty common for trans individuals when we come out. We're telling those who know us that this is who we are and we are very much learning how to be that person, often after many years of trying to be something completely different.

After that first year, I kind of moved on. I wanted to do something more with my life and not be defined by the label : "transgender". You'd be surprised at the backlash that can come with that however. Many people will tell you you're just trading one closet for another or they get upset that you're not 'out and proud' and fighting the good fight with them. Well there are other ways to 'fight' for rights such as donating money to organizations that do so and spreading knowledge around like I try to do here on my blog.  And while I have kind of treated my 'trans past' like a secret therefore making it seem like 'just another closet' to come out of again (or hide in forever), I'm getting to a point where it's less about hiding and more about brushing past it.

"So if it's not a secret then why not talk about it?" you might ask. Well as Zeke states in his article:

Many gay people consider coming out a moment of liberation, because sharing their sexual orientation with the world causes them to be seen more authentically.
Often, the opposite is true for trans people. When we share our gender history, many see us less authentically — doubting, probing or denying our identities.

The reality is I have a lot of privilege with both where I live and how I look. I'm able to navigate through my everyday life without people asking or bothering me about being trans anymore. And it's great. It's allowed me to move on and concentrate on other things. I transformed myself and I'm glad I did but now I'm doing other things with my life and it's amazing!

And now that I'm doing those things in my career and free time, I'd rather be known for those things rather than being 'that trans girl'. Not only do I not want others putting me down for being trans or mis-identifying me on purpose but I also don't want to be defined by it at all. I know that most of the people I surround myself with would be very supportive if I was 'out' about it but that's not completely why I don't talk about it.

Interestingly enough, when you stop talking about being trans in your everyday circles, when relevant issues arise, you kind of don't have anywhere to talk about them anymore. I've found some solace online, in therapy, and with some very close and trustworthy friends for such occasions.

Outside of that, I aim to live a 'normal' life as a woman and want to be appreciated for the skills and accomplishments and personality that I have without having to add the word 'trans' to everything.....or to even have that outshine things.

Yes I am a trans woman but I am more than that. Until being trans isn't such a fantastical thing, it will always outshine who I am when it's mentioned alongside those other things.

Just one woman's point of view. This is not meant to be the viewpoint of anyone other than my own.

Someday I could very well be outed in a major way. I'd like to say I'm somewhat prepared for that with posts like this explaining my mindset.


Unknown said...

Thank you. We seem to be on the same page. I have tried to explain these thoughts to some friends of mine and they try to tell me that I am letting the "Movement" down by not being "out" and fighting the good fight all the time. I just feel like I am moving on in my life and being the person who I was always meant to be. "Give me a break friends" :-)

MPFM said...

Agreed. I can't wait to get to the point of not having to think about it from the moment I wake up until the mint I go to bed. I'll still inform and educate people, but I hate being defined by my gender identity. It's too demanding, and if I have the option hell yeah I'm going to take it.

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