Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Dating while trans: Not my narrative

So lately I’ve been dating again. My husband and I are splitting up. We are still seeing each other for now but I’m also seeing other people. It’s a weird situation but ironically it’s working well for us currently. 

But anyway, back to the dating part. For seven years I’ve taken for granted the fact that I no longer had to worry about people rejecting me for being trans. My husband has always been supportive and it’s never even been much of a subject we even talk about. I’m over it, I’m done. I moved on. 

But apparently once again I’ve been caught… while trans. 

People that hang out with me nowadays have easily realized that there’s much more to my life than the fact that I transitioned from man to woman. I just don’t talk about it anymore and why should I? I have all the necessary parts for sexual copulation as a woman, I interact as a woman, I really am no different than other woman except that I can’t get pregnant. 

And yet I still run across guys that either take issue with my past or take issue with the fact that I don’t bring it up. The latter is almost even more frustrating than the obvious reactions reflected in the former. The fact that my body didn’t completely match up with my identity for a part of my life has no bearing on the present. I shouldn’t need to bring this up with every single person I meet, especially on a first date. It’s nobody else’s business but my own. 

One date stopped talking to me after the first date and we’d had a really good time together. I finally straight up asked him what was up and he told me he was upset I never brought up my trans status during our date;  that he’d dated other trans women and they had always brought it up. He said that because I hadn’t, I was being dishonest. I told him I didn’t see why that was important. If you like me as a person, find me attractive, and you can have sex with me, what the heck does it matter where I came from? It’s a literal piece of my medical history and it’s private. 

I am however very upfront with the fact that I don’t want kids therefore excusing the need to bring up the fact that I’m infertile. I’ve definitely never led a guy on in thinking I would have his baby. 

We don’t all immediately list out the surgeries or illnesses we’ve had when we meet someone so why does being trans have to be any different? I’ve been over it a million times that I don’t want to be a spectacle and I definitely don’t want to be ‘special’. I’ve tried my best to live a ‘normal’ life as a woman, taking on new hobbies and experiencing new things in this short life we have here on earth. Whether people are supportive or hateful, I’d just rather they skip over the my ‘trans status’ and look closer to who I am as a person instead. 

Don’t get me wrong, many trans individuals are happily out and proud and/or feel the need to tell people about their trans status. Some don’t even feel fully male or female and that’s their narrative and that’s completely valid but it’s not my narrative. 

I’m female. I’m a woman. That’s it.

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